Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
