I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
