I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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