honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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