i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we're so committed to being not committed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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