So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
