Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
