I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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