I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
