I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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