What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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