So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
