So gin and wine won't be happening again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
