Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
