The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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