So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
