I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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