between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just puked most of my soul out..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
