My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
