A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
