I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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