that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
soo... how was my night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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