Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
