The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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