Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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