90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
