I think I died a long time ago.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize