White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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