Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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