So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
