is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
