i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
