mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize