I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
