i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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