Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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