Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
