it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
