listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
