I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
