Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
