is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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