He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
