i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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