I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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