Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
