Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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