Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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