And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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