his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
