is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
