I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's not cheating when I paid for it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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