When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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