8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
