I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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