do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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