we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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