it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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