I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
