Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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