I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
