It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
