I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
