I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
